


Always

by Virtual_Reality



Series: Steve and Bucky through the years [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Blow Jobs, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Kissing, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Steve Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 09:49:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3687699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Virtual_Reality/pseuds/Virtual_Reality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part five? My days are a blur. NSFW OTP Challenge</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> Getting today's installment posted early today! You should be proud.
> 
> I'll go bake celebratory cupcakes...
> 
> Happy Easter!

"Steve."

Bucky was laid back against the ground in the tent. It was as cold and hard as any other day, but right now, he paid it no mind. Steve was here, and Bucky was safe. Saved from the isolation. Saved from the dark. From the drugs, and the testing From the torture, the pain, the restless nights in that cold empty place.

Safe from being so cold and alone he wished for death.

"Steve," Bucky repeated, lifting a hand to cup his cheek, feel his warmth.

Steve was here. He was actually here. Steve was with him, and somehow, he wasn't small anymore. Steve was hovering over him now, and Bucky didn't even know how to react, he just knew it was Steve. Steve was with him. Steve was here. So beautiful, and real, and warm, and perfect, and so... Big...

Maybe he really was dead.

He was probably dead.

He didn't care. He had Steve.

"Steve." Bucky whispered, only now realizing how hoarse his voice sounded.

"Shhh," Steve soothed, settling in beside him, "It's okay. It's me. It's Steve. You're safe."

Bucky scooted closer to him, and warm, strong arms wrapped around him.

"Bucky..." Steve pressed their foreheads together, "Are you okay?"

"Missed you, Steve." Bucky sighed.

"I missed you, too." And Bucky was hugged tightly to his chest, and it was so different. So weird. "Are you okay? Really? I'm worried."

"I'm in shock, I think. You got big."

Steve smiled crookedly, and squared his shoulders, showing off his big broad chest. "I am bigger, yes. Finally."

Bucky frowned, letting out a breath as quiet as a sigh, "Not my little Steve anymore," Bucky whispered, almost regretfully, tracing a finger over a collarbone. So different. So strange. Not the familiarity he longed for in his chaotic world. "That perfect, tiny body. Gone forever."

"Oh," Steve smiled faded, and Bucky looked back at his face, watched the emotions flicker across his face, too detached to understand what each one meant, "Do you not... You don't..." He forced a smile, too tight, and a little painful to manage, "You don't like it." He said finally, and couldn't help the disappointment that settled in his chest. Steve hadn't realized how much he'd depended on Bucky's acceptance.

"You're so..." He paused, his eyes narrowing tiredly, "Different, Stevie."

"Well, yes, I, Uh..." Steve rubbed the back of his neck, "I guess, I... Well." He sighed, "I thought - hoped - you'd like it," he admitted, laughing a bit sadly, "You always did like me small, I should've expected more than one possible reaction..."

Bucky seemed to sober up at that. His tired, weak arms pulling Steve down, holding him so his head was against his shoulder - just like they used to, and Steve laid still, awkward, and scrunched up to allow this position, quite unsure of what else to do as Bucky held him, "I do like it, Steve... It's just... A lot to take in."

"But you liked me better small."

Bucky sighed, "Steve. I love you for the man you are inside." Bucky combed his fingers through Steve's hair. "Yes, I loved your little body, and I'll love this one, too. But... This is a lot, Steve. This doesn't happen."

"Yeah," Steve sighed, but he still frowned.

"You're still the same Steve I fell in love with," He whispered, "I just need a little time to get used to the idea."

Steve smiled weakly, and Bucky touched his cheek. He had such a warm face. High cheekbones, still prominent, though his cheeks were fuller. His skin was golden now in comparison to his skinnier, Irish pale self. He must've spent time in the sun... It had been months, he could've done anything. He let his fingers trace Steve's nose, almost exactly the same, then his lips, full and pouty, and pink, nearly just as he remembered them. His jaw, sharp, strong angles that Bucky wanted to trace with his lips. New, but still beautiful. Then down to his neck, muscles even here, so different. Everything was different. He let his eyes wander back to his face. Familiar. Eyes. Nose. Lips. He dragged a thumb over Steve's lower lip, "Are you still sick?" He breathed.

Steve lifted his gaze, puzzled, but Bucky's eyes never left Steve's lips.

A look of realization spread over Steve's features, and he grinned when he nodded.

Bucky's fingers curled around the back of Steve's neck, tugging him down, and hesitantly, kissing him - for what seemed like the first time in years.

He kissed him, and kissed him, and kissed him. Never wanting to pull away, to breathe, to lose the feeling of Steve's lips against his. They were like heaven. Safe, familiar, as full and supple as he'd remembered, but fiercer, and maybe he actually was dead, but if this is what death brought him. Well, death was welcome.

When Steve pulled away, Bucky sighed, and pulled him down for a hug, "Missed your kisses, Steve." He breathed.

Steve chuckled, letting his lips brush against Bucky's ear. He tugged at the lobe with his teeth, earning a sharp, but subtle intake of breath, "Tell me it's too much, and I'll stop. I swear." Steve promised. He couldn't help but cuddle closer and kiss his friend, he missed him so much.

Bucky let his fingers tangle in Steve's hair, "Don't want you to stop."

Steve hesitantly rested part of his weight on Bucky, "Am I too heavy?" The question tasted so weird on his tongue.

Bucky's brows furrowed, it didn't seem right, hearing that voice say those words, "No, darling."

Steve leaned down, and kissed his neck, slowly opening each button in turn. Bucky shivered, but kept silent, every breath calculated as the kisses trailed lower, across Bucky's collarbones as he finished the buttons. His hands slipped through the open shirt, tracing over his chest, "Good?"

"Good."

Steve bent to kiss Bucky's chest, and he let his hands slip to unfasten his trousers, bigger hands, heavier. Not the soft, delicate fingers Bucky remembered, though his movements still echoed a remembered grace.

"I can't believe it's really you."

Steve paused, "It's me, Buck."

Bucky smiled, "You changed." He pulled Steve back up his body so his whispers would be silent, "I'm glad it's you."

Steve sighed, "Wish I could've been here a bit sooner." He muttered, pressing soft kisses to the other man's neck, he paused when he'd reached Bucky's jaw, contemplating a second, "Can I keep going?"

"Yes," Bucky whispered, then let his lips curl into a smirk, "Tease."

Steve kissed his lips gently, "Can you stay quiet for me."

"I will." Bucky whispered, and Steve gave him another kiss, "You're so beautiful, Steve." Bucky whispered, and Steve leaned down, claiming his lips once more, slow at first, gentle, lips barely touching, and Bucky reached to draw Steve in closer, wrapping his arms around his neck, lips parted, and their kiss deepened. Bucky gasped softly, and Steve paused, barely a moment, with an inaudible, "Shhh."

Bucky nodded once, and struggled to seal the distance between them until Steve obligingly, placed his mouth back on his. He licked along the seam of Steve's lips, which parted for him, and he savored the taste of coffee that lingered on Steve's tongue. Coffee. He hadn't had coffee in what seemed like a lifetime. It was good.

Steve stilled him suddenly and he broke away, pressing his hand firmly over Bucky's mouth.

Bucky froze. Fear prickling at his heart.

There was a faint rustling of leaves, and Bucky's fingers tightened in Steve's shirt, his eyes widened in fear, and then Steve spoke, softly, and that terrified him.

"Hey, you need to calm down. it's okay, it was only a nightmare." He took a pause, "Try to get some rest." Then he fell silent, waiting until he heard the footsteps grow faint, the glow from the light far away from their tent.

"What's happening?"

"Nothing. Hey, relax."

"I thought it was over."

"What?"

"I thought we were safe." His expression changed. He looked so tired.

"Hey, look at me. It's just you and me, Buck. I've got you." He held Bucky's hand to his cheek, "You're safe now."

"I'm not dead," he realized, "I made it."

"Oh, Buck... Of course you made it."

"And I'm safe."

"Right."

"Just you and me?"

"You and me, Bucks."

"You..." A hand in that very blonde hair, it was so soft, he pushed slightly, "You started something. Down there."

He moved down Bucky's body again, tugging on his trousers, "Same old Bucky." Bucky hummed softly as Steve rubbed him through his underwear, slipping his fingers beneath the elastic to tug them off. "I've thought about this a lot." Steve admits, taking him in his hand, stroking him to full hardness, "Since the time you did it for me. I wanted to try." He was pressing kisses over exposed hipbones now. "We gotta be quick, though."

"Yeah." Bucky closed his eyes. It was so nice not to think, so nice to not worry. To be safe. Protected. To not have to watch his back. To have Steve. To be accepted. There was so much to be thankful for, but right now, he's thankful for Steve's mouth, and his tongue, and the wonderful things he was doing with them... And Steve's hands, too. Rubbing and touching in all the right places, stroking him... Oh, and the curious kisses pressed to his length. Bucky shifted, squirmed, stretching out, pressing close, needing sensation, and just watching Steve helped.

It was obscene - watching Steve with his mouth on Bucky's dick. He threaded fingers through that soft blonde hair, and held his breath, holding back his words, his sounds. Holding everything back.

Steve leaned in, and licked a stripe from base to tip so he can gasp a breath, and taking him back in his mouth, deeper this time, and Bucky inhaled sharply, his hips jerking, and Steve drew back, working slowly this time. Pressing soft kisses down his length, licking and sucking his balls gently. His hand a slow, teasing rhythm.

"Steve."

It was a sigh, a word hidden in Bucky's exhale, and it sent shivers down his spine. He barely had enough room to do this, but he wouldn't stop. He wanted to do this. Give Bucky this... He'd wanted to for months.

His lips and tongue lavished attention on the crown, teasing his slit, and sucking gently, earning hands buried deep in his hair, hips that rotate on the ground and Steve knows he's holding back from the reflex of pushing into his mouth - thrusting into the heat.

Above him, Bucky grit his teeth, trying to relax as Steve brought all this pleasure to surface. He pressed into the heat, just a little, unable to help himself, and Steve relaxed, and took it. Bucky felt dizzy. He fell back against the ground, and tried to control his breathing. He shouldn't hold his breath like this.

Steve went back to the firm strokes of his hand, his lips on the very tip, and it was so tempting not to push into it, knowing what that heat felt like.

Steve tried to move with the rock of Bucky's hips, working to compliment his movements with adjustments of his own, and when he glanced up at him, Bucky's mouth was drawn into a grimace, trying to contain his pleasure. If they were at home, he would've tried to shatter that composure. Now, he's thankful for Bucky's control.

He continued, hands and mouth, trying to keep his movements silent. He closed his eyes, and tried to focus on Bucky's breathing. His free hand snuck down his own body, pressing his palm hard against his own erection, trying to relieve some tension.

Steve pulled back, working his wrist as he caught his breath, and Bucky pulled him close, thanking him with a kiss. Then, they laid together, side by side, sharing hasty kisses as they jerked off.

Bucky curled up against Steve, and, for the first time in his life, felt incredibly small, but protected, and safe, and warm. That's more than Bucky can ask for, and he's thankful.

"I love you, Steve." He spoke hesitantly, into the darkness.

He felt Steve's breath on his lips, then the soft warm press. "I love you, too."

"You got a lot of explaining to do tomorrow."

"I know."

"You lied to me," Bucky says, "In your letter."

"I know."

Bucky sighs, breathing in Steve's scent, musky and affected heavily by their surroundings, but it was still Steve's "Promise me... Promise me you'll still be here when I wake up." Bucky whispers.

"I promise." Steve whispers.

"And you're still my little Steve, even though you're big now."

"I'm still your Steve," he whispers, and he still got a thrill from knowing Bucky still wants him enough to call him his fella, "I'll always be that stubborn little fella, don't let the new body fool you.

"Promise?"

"Promise."


End file.
